Dissecting My Aunt's Favorite Poem

I was shocked, confused, bewildered
As I entered Heaven's door,
Not by the beauty of it all,
Nor the lights or its decor.

NOTE: What kind of person goes into Heaven pissed off and completely disenchanted with it? Ok, this is either a personal problem (you just missed going to hell!) or Heaven is about as exciting and appealing as a JC Penney's department store.

But it was the folks in Heaven
Who made me sputter and gasp-
The thieves, the liars, the sinners,
The alcoholics and the trash.

NOTE: WHOA!! Judgmental pricks like this get into Heaven? What, the poet has never sinned or lied? And how is this poet able to call someone trash? Also, I kept thinking, how can you tell who people are when everyone is in a white robe (or has the reccession made it so that you have to wear what you die in for the rest of eternity in Heaven?) and why does prejudice, lack of grace and such an anti-acceptance attitude exist in Heaven or someone who goes to Heaven?

There stood the kid from seventh grade
Who swiped my lunch money twice.
Next to him was my old neighbor
Who never said anything nice.

NOTE: Anybody else have a feeling that the poem writer never said anything nice to the neighbor either?

Herb, who I always thought
Was rotting away in hell,
Was sitting pretty on cloud nine,
Looking incredibly well.

NOTE: Whoa you wished Herb to rot in Hell for not kissing your ass!? What kind of sick...

I nudged Jesus, 'What's the deal?
I would love to hear Your take.
How'd all these sinners get up here?
God must've made a mistake.

NOTE: OMG! What a total prick! He actually went up to Jesus to complain and make a stink and whine. Real quality cast of characters we got up there in Heaven. I've met better people at downtown military douche haunt Moose McGillycuddy's...ok I have never been there but it sounds like this poets version of Heaven...

'And why's everyone so quiet,
So somber - give me a clue.'
'Hush, child, ' He said, 'they're all in shock.
No one thought they'd be seeing you.'

NOTE: BOOYA. So it looks like this asshole is no more worthy than the rest of the people he's been hating on in the TEN minutes or so he's been in Heaven, spared from Hell. Heaven sounds like a heap of people who probably never acted in a Christ-Like Manner. Whatever that is...I mean people are just standing around judging everyone and whispering, quiet and pissed off until Jesus, like a supernatural Simon Cowell, tells them they are lame like the rest of everyone else?


JUDGE NOT.


Remember...Just going to church doesn't make you a
Christian any more than standing in your garage makes you a car ..

NOTE: The Bible ALSO teaches that being a good person, taking care of people, doing good for the world won't make you a Christian either. There are amazing Muslims, Mormons, Jews, and Atheist everywhere who supposedly are going to rot in Hell while people like the asshole poet above and the "trash" in Heaven look down on them. It is what you SAY that gets you into Heaven, NOT what you DO. Basically, "I Can live forever because I think that the only God that is real is Jesus Christ"

Note: The word poet and poem are use in a sarcastic and patronizing manner in this post.