Hmmm Where to Retire When I'm Old....

My Aunt sent me this, it was kind of cute. I would NEVER retire in the USA but I suppose a ranch in the middle of nowhere in Montana is something I've always wanted...

You can live in Phoenix, Arizona where.....

1. you are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2 You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl
3.You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door
4.The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot and ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!!


You can live in California Where

1. You make over $250,000 and still can't afford to buy a house
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway
3. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it takes to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
4. The 4 seasons are Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought

You can live in New York City Where.....

1. You say "the City' and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan
2. You think Central Park is "nature"
3. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multilingual.
5. You have worn out a car horn


You can live in Maine where......

1. You have only 4 spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas
3. You have more than one recipe for moose
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The 4 seasons are : winter , still winter, almost winter, and construction

You can live in the deep South Where.......

1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store
2. Y'all is singular and "all y all" is plural
3. "He needed killin" is a valid defense
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, etc.


You can live in Colorado where......

1. you carry a $3000 mountain bike atop your $500 car
2. A pass does not involve a football or dating
3. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail

You can live in the Midwest where
1. Your idea of a traffic jam is 10 cars waiting to pass a tractor
2. you've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name
3. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"

And You can live in Florida where.......

1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the after noon
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind even houses and cars
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist
4. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people.