Penis Tree Gets Hot Press

Read More About This Craziness on Nerve

You’ve got to love the local news. Only there can a man with a penis tree-sculpture in his yard get a three-minute lead story at 5:30, reported on by entirely straight-faced reporters. There is so much to love: after they slip in a shot of the pine-dick near the beginning, they blur out the wooden member (as if it was actual nudity) for the rest of the clip, or show it at obscure and unintelligible angles. Perhaps even crazier, they get through the entire segment without ever saying the word ‘penis.’ Instead, the reporter says that it resembles a certain male body part, “that rhymes with Salinas.”