Men vs. Women Rant Spawned from Car Commercial

A saw a ridiculous commercial this last weekend. The Dodge Charger commercial had me cringing, then seething. It depicted the most forlorn depressed men you've ever seen, the monotone sullen announcer ran down a list of things the men were forced to do in order to justify their buying a Dodge Charger. The list was pretty much what a fucking adult man in a relationship SHOULD be doing. Shit like going to work, personal hygiene and common social normalcy. Guys have become such brazen whining useless pussies that putting down a toilet seat and walking the dog makes them think they are awesome enough to buy a $30,000 car. Even though they would probably take it to get washed instead of doing it themselves, wouldn't know how to do their own oil change or even think ONCE to take your ass to a nice restaurant or picnic with it. Every single solitary, NO LIE, girlfriend I have makes more money, works more hours, has more responsibility and is more educated then the men they are married to, dating, or friends with. Some men marry horribly lame women so they can have regular sex and because they FEEL BAD telling a girl they've dated for awhile they they are moving on. They are way to pussy to do what is right. So they dig themselves in these joyless relationships and get cars to make up for their sheer unhappiness and drudgery. Both men and women are to blame.

It's a crying fucking shame. What is an educated, smart, independent woman supposed to do when she is forced to choose a guy from a pool of useless idiot teenager acting bro's??!!??

Dodge Charger Manly Man Ad - watch more funny videos

Charger commercial:
1. -I will get up and walk the dog at 6 AM (Bravo, chances are the dog is YOURS)
2. -I will eat fruit as part of my breakfast (Waaaa, I wanna eat Lucky Charms!)
3. -I will shave (Thank you for not acting like a caveman)
4. -I will clean the sink after I shave (Thank you for acting like you were raised around humans)
5. -I will be at work at 8 am (Everybody has to work, get the fuck over it)
6. -I will sit through 2 hour meetings (Your fault you picked a corporate job you stiff)
7. -I will say Yes When you want me to say yes (Have your own opinions you pussy!!)
8. -I will be quiet when you don’t want to hear me say no (Be assertive, get a spine, be a man!)
9. -I will take your call (Wow. Thanks so much to talking to me. So sorry that I'm interrupting your exciting life)
10. -I will listen to your opinion of my friends (If they are like you you could probs do without them)
11. -I will listen to your friends opinions of my friends (See above)
12. -I will be civil to your mother (Thank you so much for not being rude to my family. Since your mom is such a PEACH too)
13. -I will put the seat down (It's not an anal thing men!! Without the seat we fall in and it hurts!)
14. -I will separate the recycling (I know plastic bottles are heavy and hard to handle, thanks for this)
15. -I will cary your lip balm (Chances are you have your own lip balm you metrosexual peice of shit)
16. -I will watch your vampire Tv shows with you (You married a twit with a fast degrading hot body, your fault)
17. -I will take my socks off before getting into bed (Again, grow a pair and assert yourself over an anal bitch)
18. -I will put my underwear in the basket (Thank you, I was getting sick of your dirty draws being on the night stand)

And because I do this:

I will drive the car, I want to drive (i.e. because I operate within the most simple of adult male bounds I should get a car)


Charger, Man’s Last Stand (Nope, driving a car is not man's last stand. TAKING CARE OF YOUR SHIT and BEING A FUCKING MAN is man's last stand)

(James Bond esque music playing as a final touch)

NOTE: Women, do not emasculate your men give them the opportunity and trust them to help out for once. Give them space, Let them watch the game interruption free, let them have boys night out, shut the fuck up sometimes and don't be an anal nag. Give blow jobs and put out more!. Men, be a man so we don't have to treat you like a little boy, so we can trust you to take care of us. Revel in our success, compliment us, get into foreplay, treat us right, take us out, leave us sweet notes.

If only EVERYONE really really realized how easy it was to please you know!?!?