Everything You Did and Didn't Want to Know About Condoms

From Scanner:

Last night I had the chance to go to New York’s Museum of Sex for Trojan’s launch of their new Fire and Ice condom, where I was greeted with cocktails, finger food, and more condoms than I could shake my stick at. The swag was nice, but actually I learned a lot about our rubbery friend. Here are the five most deserving of your attention.

1. A New And Wonderful Use For Vegetables

Among the many primitive condom materials over time, including animal intestines (ew) and metal (ow), there was once a penis sheath made out of a gourd. A gourd, I tell you! It might look like an elvish sword carrier, but Lord of the Rings fans beware! Stick with thine latex.

2. Put Down the Extra Larges And Back Away From the Counter

According to Trojan professionals Bruce Tetreault and Michael James Harris, there is no such thing as being “too big for a condom,” seeing as they hold up to nine gallons of water. So the next time your man wants to use his ego to avoid practicing safe sex, throw a nine-gallon condom water balloon in his face.

3. Stand And Deliver

Years ago, men overseas were having a ton of sex, but the military refused to give them condoms. Instead, they issued them “Pro-Kits.” What’s a Pro-Kit? A package with soap and directions for how to wash off your, uh, firearm. No wonder they still don’t want to be asking or telling when they’re still working to catch up with the gourd guys’ STD-prevention technology.

READ THE REST!!